Week 11 - Marriage and Fidelity

“A misconception in the world today is that infidelity involves solely the commission of sexual acts outside of marriage.  However, being completely faithful to one’s spouse requires more than avoiding adultery” - Hawkins et al, 2012, p. 58

As I went through this week’s reading assignments in my Marriage class, there were two main ideas that stood out to me. First of all, marriage contains an intimate relationship between a husband and wife. The second main idea is fidelity is a crucial element in a successful marriage.

I have seen many of my relatives, friends, and their parents develop successful loving relationships. Of course, none have discussed their intimacy with me, as they should. However, they have displayed positive signs of an intimate relationship such as sharing special looks with each other, offering to help one another with chores, and sending each other little notes of appreciation. Being intimate in a marriage is perfectly healthy. B.A. Barlow has stated in his article for the September 1986 edition of the Ensign titled “They Twain Shall Be One: Thoughts on Intimacy in Marriage, “But we also believe in the good that can be derived from the appropriate use of intimacy in marriage” (Barlow).

Then there is infidelity that could negatively impact a marriage. As is outlined in Dr. Goddard’s writings:

• Behaviors that seem innocent (i.e., missionary work, doing good, helping in some capacity)
• An affection grows that claims part of one’s heart
• Extramarital flirting. Justification-“no harm intended”
• Relationship declared as “special”

Some of the ways one can overcome infidelity is by heading the following instructions by K.W Matheson in his Ensign September 2009 article Fidelity in Marriage: It’s more than you think, “Fasting, prayer, temple attendance, scripture study, and pondering the Lord’s teachings are essential in helping one remain pure and true to one’s spouse and in healing the relationship” (Matheson, pg. 15).

Some other ways a married couple could defend their marriage and prevent fidelity is by providing clear boundaries with people outside of their marriage and be sure to have an open line of communication with your spouse. 

Clear boundaries helps both the husband and wife understand exactly where each other draw the line in their relationship with other people outside their marriage. After all, Matheson has said,“Fidelity includes refraining from physical contact—but that is not all. Fidelity also means complete commitment, trust, and respect between husband and wife. Inappropriate interactions with another person can erode fidelity" (Matheson, pg. 14). 

As for maintaining an open line of communication with your spouse, especially pertaining to fidelity and intimate physical contact, I think Brent Barlow, author of They Twain Shall Be One: Thoughts on Intimacy in Marriage from the September 1986 edition of the Ensign, has said it best, “Talking about this intimate relationship—including the emotional feelings that attend it—can go a long way in strengthening a marriage" (Barlow).

In short, I believe that marriage and fidelity go hand-in-hand. Married couples should only focus on each other in terms of physical intimacy. There should be nobody else between them, or rather, on the side.