Week 12 - Partnership of Equals

“In ancient days councils were conducted with such strict propriety, that no one was allowed to whisper, be weary, leave the room, or get uneasy in the least, until the voice of the Lord, by revelation, or the voice of the council by the Spirit, was obtained, which has not been observed in this Church to the present time.” – M. Russell Ballard Counseling with Our Councils (1997) Pg 41

This week I have read an awesome article given by Dr. Richard B. Miller. The article is called “Who Is the Boss? Power Relationships in Families.” He talked about a few key components in a successful relationship between a married couple within a family.

For instance, parents are the leaders in the family. The kids shouldn’t be in charge or make any major decisions. The parents should be united in their leadership. I think we are all guilty of going to our less lenient parent as a child, asked for something then claimed the stricter parent already gave permission.

For example, when I was about seven, I asked my mom for a new doll. She said no. So, I went to my dad and asked for a new doll. He asked if I asked my mom already. I told him I have, and I was told to ask him instead. He and I made a deal. If I got a 100% on my next spelling test, I would get a new doll. My mom caught on right away on what I have done but she still let my dad keep the deal with me for a short time. Sure enough, I got a 100% on the next spelling test. However, this deal only lasted for a month or so. My mom hated my dad's hoarding habits and really did not appreciate my bedroom getting stuffed with brand new toys about two months later so I no longer got a new toy after each 100% on a spelling test. Parents should have discussions away from the kids and make prior agreements before the kids attempt to undermine the parents.

The third thing Dr. Miller has mentioned was the fact that the parent-child hierarchy dissolves once children become adults. The house rules should still be set but the children are now adults and responsible for their own decisions dealing with their own families. When I turned eighteen, my mom was not as strict with a few rules. I was able to leave the house and hang out with friends through the night without getting chastised, I still did a courtesy call to check in once in awhile though. The fourth topic, which I was most interested in, was a marital relationship should be a partnership.

There is one key statement which stood out to me, “Marriage, in its truest form, is a partnership of equals, with neither exercising dominion over the other, but, rather, with each encouraging and assisting the other in whatever responsibilities and aspirations he or she might have (Gordon B. Hinckley, Ensign, August 1992, p. 6)” (Miller). I think that was a beautiful statement. Neither man nor woman reign dominion over each other. They truly are equal partners. They both tend to their family needs in their own unique ways.