“The difference between happy and unhappy couples is the balance between positive and negative interactions during conflict.” – Kyle Benson “The Magic Relationship Ratio, According to Science”
The other day I have read a very informative article on relationships. Now, don’t get me wrong. I do not normally read dating and relationship stuff from places such as Teen Vogue or whatever the general population seems to devour these days. I am more of a Discover or National Geographic kind of magazine fan. However, I came across this article assigned for my Marriage class.
The opening quote I have mentioned at the beginning of this post came from said article. Kyle went on to talk about how a healthy relationship functions best at a five to one ratio. Meaning, the couple incorporate five positive interactions and just one negative to any conflict they have to work out together.
This got me thinking about how easy it is to focus on negative things. After all, the natural man tends to hold to the bad. When it comes to relationships and marriage, the natural man does not support long-lasting, healthy, eternal marriages. There is a scripture in the Book of Mormon: Another Testament of Jesus Christ that described the natural man perfectly. It is in Mosiah chapter 3 verse 19:
“For the natural man is an enemy to God, and has been from the fall of Adam, and will be, forever and ever, unless he yields to the enticings of the Holy Spirit, and putteth off the natural man and becometh a saint through the atonement of Christ the Lord, and becometh as a child, submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon him, even as a child doth submit to his father.”
With that said, in terms of overcoming the natural man, I have thought about what I have learned from my own life. It is best to be meek, humble, patient, full of love, and willing to submit rather than harsh when it comes to conflict. Otherwise both parties may end up getting hurt.
For instance, when I was a teenager, my dad was dating this one lady. She wanted to watch a TV show while I had another show in mind. I got pretty stubborn and chose to ignore my dad for the rest of the night. This ended up hurting both my dad and I. I have learned later on to calmly voice my feelings and compromise with him and his girlfriend at the time when it came to which TV show we were going to watch for that evening. Sure, this example is more of a father/daughter relationship rather than a marital one but I hope you understand what I mean.
Which brings us back to the article I have mentioned at the beginning. In order to keep off the natural man during conflict within a relationship, the article talked about five good interactions a couple should utilize in a discussion such as be interested, express affection, demonstrate they matter, intentional appreciation, and find opportunities for agreement. When a person does these five things along with one negative interaction, they really can put off the natural man and develop a better relationship after they resolve a conflict.
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