Week 4 - Covenant Marriage

“Contract companions each give 50 percent; covenant companions each give 100 percent.” – Elder Bruce C. Hafen

This week I read this really great talk given by Elder Bruce C. Hafen. He is part of the Quorum of the Seventy in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. In it, he talked about the importance of a covenant marriage. In it, he mentioned the three wolves which test all marriages.

The first wolf is natural adversity, this is where things just happen of their own accord. One example would have to be a child in the family passing away. The second wolf one’s own imperfections, this is when a spouse’s imperfection affects the marriage in a negative way. One example in a marital setting would have to be how the wife walked bothered the husband and the husband failed to boost her self-confidence instead. The third wolf is excessive individualism, this is where Satan exploits the sense of belonging. One example in a marital setting would have to be when a co-worker tells a guy that he should not have to obey everything his wife asks him to do such as picking up milk from the store on the way home from work. The guy is his own man and he should do what he wants.

I feel that excessive individualism tends to threaten marriages the most. We all want to be strong and independent. Satan tends to mock couples, whether they are married or not. Women tend to be considered weak, especially if they choose to be a stay-at-home mom. Men are considered “whipped” if they help around the house or run a few errands to help support the family. As Elder Hafen has said later in his talk, “[Satan] drives us away from each other today with wedges of distrust and suspicion. He exaggerates the need for having space, getting out, and being left alone. Some people believe him—and then they wonder why they feel left alone.”

I have seen excessive individualism take hold of some loved ones in my own life. My dad chose to do his own thing in the garage rather than stop for fifteen minutes and come in the house to watch my brother and I so my mom could go to the grocery store. My mom had to dress me up in “thrasher” clothes, which were basically a pair of overalls, a t-shirt, and shoes that could get dirty from car grease and oil, then stick me in the garage with my dad.

However, the gospel Jesus Christ encourages men and women to support and lift each other up. A covenanted companionship is the ultimate way for men and women to get married. I think Elder David A. Bednar, a member of the Quorum of the twelve Apostles in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints has stated the following beautifully, “The Lord Jesus Christ is the focal point in a covenant marriage relationship. Please notice how the Savior is positioned at the apex of this triangle, with a woman at the base of one corner and a man at the base of the other corner. Now consider what happens in the relationship between the man and the woman as they individually and steadily “come unto Christ” and strive to be “perfected in Him” (Moro. 10:32). Because of and through the Redeemer, the man and the woman come closer together.”

I have seen families defy excessive individualism by demonstrating teamwork in their marriage. There is a missionary couple that help run a local Institute of religion that is across the street from a community college. The Institute is a place where people can attend bible classes and learn more about Jesus Christ. The building also has a kitchen, mini library, and plenty of chairs for people to study, relax, and socialize. There is even a game room with a pool table, foosball, air hockey, and table tennis. This missionary couple helps provide snacks after every evening bible class. I have seen the husband help carry some of the food into the building and the wife helps prepare the food for all the students. They grow closer to Christ by doing this Christlike service alongside each other.

I know that as men and women develop a covenanted relationship through marriage and their primary focus is towards Jesus Christ, they truly can develop a strong, eternal bond. I have seen it in my friends and relatives.